8 Lessons All Dads Should Teach Their Kids
1. Words are Valuable
Speak up: Your kid is listening. In families with two working parents, fathers have a greater impact on their children's language development by age 3 than mothers do, according to a study in the Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology. Provide a creative, dramatic play-by-play of the activities you're engaged in and your surroundings. Use big words, even if they're unfamiliar to your kid. Children learn a lot by context.
2. Tantrums Earn You Nothing
"When your anxiety visibly rises, you add fuel to the fire," says Hal Edward Runkel, a family therapist and the author of ScreamFree Parenting. And if you simply hand over a piece of candy, you encourage more bad behavior. Instead, when your kid starts shouting, be calm and attentive. Don't ignore it. This signals that you will not be rattled and the child won't win—ever. It may not work for the first tantrum, warns Runkel, but it's magic by the fifth.
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| The male, not the female, plays the primary role in carrying the developing babies and then later caring for the young. This male behavior is atypical when we as humans think about it, because we are mammals and automatically relate prenatal and postnatal care primarily with the female mother. Among fish, however, it is quite common for the male to be the primary caretaker of the eggs. The male guards the eggs and keeps them clean until they hatch . The Seahorse takes male parenting to an extreme. The male Seahorse not only guards the eggs but also carries them ÒinsideÓ himself. The male Seahorse has a brood pouch on his ventral side where, following courtship, the female deposits her eggs The male then fertilizes the eggs that he is now carrying and incubates them until it is time for them to hatch. A capillary network is set up between the male and the eggs to provide the eggs with oxygen and nutrients that are transferred from the male to the eggs. The male Seahorse also controls the environment of the pouch to make it increasingly more like that of the seawater, in order to prepare the eggs for their future environment . On average, pregnancy lasts two to three weeks dependent upon the species. After the determined pregnancy period, the male then gives birth to the hatched babies. He usually becomes pregnant again right away . |
3. Competition Leads to Confidence
Children as young as 4 start to compete with their parents—sprinting to the car, wrestling on the sofa, stuff like that. Roll with it. Let them win a lot, and then slowly ramp it up so they have to work harder for their victories. "It's a way for kids to develop a sense of strength and to let them test their muscles," says Justin Richardson, M.D., who teaches psychiatry at Columbia University. They'll start to walk more confidently and be less of a mark for bullies.
4. Quitting is Hard
When his son wanted to quit baseball at age 8, Runkel said to him, "Sure, but you have to tell your teammates and coach." The boy couldn't do it. He's played for 7 years since. Show kids the pain of quitting, and they won't make those kind of decisions lightly, Runkel says. "If your kid says a school project is too hard and that he wants to give up, that's okay," says Runkel. "But say, 'Tell your teacher you're quitting and that you'll take whatever grade is appropriate.' Trust me, he'll stick it out."
5. Other People's Feelings Matter
It's easier to connect with others if you understand their perspective, so nurture that instinct in your child. Start with the child's own feelings. "Say, 'Man, it must be hard being 8 years old. What's the hardest part?' " suggests Runkel. Then mention people your kid knows who are having a hard time—say, a friend whose dad lost his job. Ask what he thinks it's like for that friend. "They won't always have an answer, but they're thinking about it," Runkel says.
6. Fights Can Be Resolved
Unless one kid is dangling the other out the window, don't say a word. "As soon as you become involved, they no longer care about a solution. They'll only try drafting you to their side," says child psychologist Anthony Wolf, Ph.D., the author of Mom, Jason's Breathing on Me! The Solution to Sibling Bickering. If they pester you, say your solution will be bad for both of them. They'll learn that pleading is fruitless. More important, they'll learn quickly to compromise.
7. Independence is Earned
When your kids ask to stay later at a friend's house, ask what time would work for them. Then ask why. If you don't hear a good answer, it's okay to say no. If you do, try it, says Pennsylvania-based psychologist Janet Edgette, Psy.D. When parents give children freedom and responsibility, studies show, the children develop stronger morals more quickly.
8. Success Requires Focus
Maybe you don't wish for a prodigy, but our competitive society suggests otherwise. That's why so many kids have trouble focusing, says C. Andrew Ramsey, M.D., a psychiatry professor at Columbia University. Make sure your kids know your expectations. Celebrate improvement first. And explain the value of slow mastery. "Whether your kids love Tom Brady or Beyoncé, let them know that these people succeeded because they mastered one skill," says Dr. Ramsey. "Learn to go through one door and many others will open for you; try to go through five doors at once and you'll go nowhere."
When it comes to Fathers, having One is the most important piece of any child's life!
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