Sep 9, 2012

12 Smart Things Every Father Should Teach His Kids

Real Men Pray

There are some things, from common-sense knowledge to people skills to potentially life-saving tricks, all kids should learn. And no matter how hard or uncomfortable some of the lessons may be to teach, it's your job, Dad, to instill them. Be sure to hit these 12.

Teach a Solid Handshake

Model proper technique by putting 'er there: Press the web of flesh between your thumb and index finger into his so he feels it; that ensures proper placement. Then wrap your hand around his and squeeze gently for two or three seconds. Key point: Eye contact and a slight smile are essential. The double pump, while conveying enthusiasm, isn't.

Instill a Healthy Respect for Guns

Your kid might become vice president one day. Demonstrate how to keep the muzzle pointed in a safe direction at all times—downrange, toward the ground or up in the air—while explaining that every gun should be considered a loaded gun.

Learn Left from Right

Righty tighty, lefty loosey. That's how to remember which way to turn a screwdriver, wrench—or the lid from a jar of pig's knuckles.

What to Do When Stopped by a Cop

1. Keep your hands where police can see them.

2. Never run, resist, complain or touch an officer.

3. Address the police officer as "sir" (or "ma'am") or "officer." If he's wearing three stripes or a single silver bar, saying "yes sergeant" or "no lieutenant," respectively, may score you some points.

Proper Condom Use

When you have your "talk" with your son (or daughter—she needs to know this stuff, too), cover all of these points about condom use (and when you're done, present him with his very own box of rubbers).

1. Check the expiration date. Condoms are good for 5 years but those with spermicide expire after 3 years.

2. Never store them in your wallet or car glove box (pressure and high temperatures will render them ineffective).

3. Always use one, even with oral sex.

4. Break out a new one with every encore performance. Reusing one isn't worth the risks.

How to Console Someone

At some point or another while they're growing up, your children will need to console a relative or a friend who's just lost a family member. To make the encounter less clumsy for your kids, help them prepare a message that comes from the heart. (They should never say something like "I guess it's for the best that she's gone" when her friend's sickly Grandma Bertha dies.)

In the case of a grieving classmate or friend, they should invite the other child over to play or hang out or to go to the movies with your family. Even if the friend declines, the effort your kids made will not go unappreciated and will strengthen their relationship.

The Right Way to Dress

While your son might be reluctant to hear it, give him this advice from Andy Gilchrist, author of The Encyclopedia of Men's Clothes.

1. Trousers are long enough if they have a light break in the front, and they should fully cover socks to avoid a "where's-the-flood" look.

2. Shirts should show a quarter- to half-inch reveal when wearing a suit or sport jacket.

3. Ties should descend to the belt line. A properly executed tie will show a dimple under the knot.

4. Socks should be long enough to completely cover the shins when legs are crossed.

5. Belts should match the color of shoes and end just past the first loop on your pants.

Calculate a Tip

Encourage your kids to tip well for good service—in our book that's at least 20 percent. (If they think that's too generous, lay this on them: "Some day you might find yourself working at Friday's.")

The simplest way for your kids to calculate a 20 percent tip is to multiply the pretax amount by 2 and move the decimal point over one position to the left. For a $135 tab: 135 x 2 = 270. Slide the decimal between the 7 and the 0, and you get a $27 tip. Feeling generous? Throw in a few more bucks. Does the server merit only 10 percent? Use the method above but instead multiply by 1.

OR 2 1/2 TIMES THE TAX

How to Defuse an Angry Person

The best way to handle an uncontrollably angry person is not to say "Calm down" or "Breathe"—unless your aim is to fan the flames, says Rick Brinkman. Ph.D., who runs communication seminars for IBM and Boeing. Let the person vent for a moment while you compose yourself. Then calmly say, "I can see you're upset. I'll listen to what you have to say, if you're willing to listen to what I have to say. Okay?"

Follow that up with a question that leads him out of the situation: "What do you say we resolve it this way?" By asking a question, you give him the illusion of being in control. If this approach fails, walk away.

Make Your Teen a Safe Driver

Have your kid log at least 100 hours of instruction at the wheel, says Phil Berardelli, author of Safe Young Drivers. "The 6 hours most states mandate is inadequate," he explains. "Take time to expose him to rain, snow, night, fog, highways."

Once he has his license, limit carpooling. A study by Johns Hopkins University's Center for Injury Research and Policy found that teen drivers with two passengers are 86 percent more likely to die in a crash than are teens driving alone. Also restrict night driving. The Connecticut Transportation Institute says drivers ages 16 to 20 are 66 percent more likely to have an accident at night than they are during the day.

Help Your Kid Get into College

To give your child the competitive edge, start planning in the ninth grade, says Michele Hernandez, an Ivy League—college consultant and author of A Is for Admission. Here's a quick guide to making the most of ninth grade.

• Freshman year is the time to perfect study skills and work on critical reading and vocabulary. Your teen should try to read for at least an hour per day, including areas outside of her interests.

• It's important for her to show teachers that she really cares about her classes by going above and beyond what the teachers ask for. Now's the time for her to become an active participant in class by contributing to discussions and showing initiative.

• Make sure she takes one or two SAT II tests before the end of the year if she is taking advanced science or math. Most top colleges require three of these tests along with the SAT I, and you don't want to save all until junior year.

• Beef up her academic resume. Enroll her in college-level classes over the summer.

Discipline Your Son for Drinking or Smoking Pot

Don't freak. "A vein-popping lecture will drive him away and shut down any chance of a meaningful discussion," says Xenia G. Becher, coauthor of Ten Talks Parents Must Have With Their Children About Drugs. After you've cooled down and talked about the issue with your wife, meet in your son's room; he'll be more receptive on his own turf.

Explain that you're concerned he's not making smart decisions. "Reinforce the message that he needs to stay clear-minded and focused in life and that drugs will knock him off those paths," says Becher. If he asks whether you smoked pot or drank when you were his age (and he will), don't let him steer the conversation away from himself. "Telling him what you did or didn't do isn't important," says Becher. "This is not a 'true confessions' moment. Disclose only if it helps."

the picture at top is from this movie

worth an hour and a half of your life!

Courageous The Movie

Sep 3, 2012

8 Lessons All Dads Should Teach Their Kids

1. Words are Valuable

Speak up: Your kid is listening. In families with two working parents, fathers have a greater impact on their children's language development by age 3 than mothers do, according to a study in the Journal of Applied Developmental Psychology. Provide a creative, dramatic play-by-play of the activities you're engaged in and your surroundings. Use big words, even if they're unfamiliar to your kid. Children learn a lot by context.

2. Tantrums Earn You Nothing

"When your anxiety visibly rises, you add fuel to the fire," says Hal Edward Runkel, a family therapist and the author of ScreamFree Parenting. And if you simply hand over a piece of candy, you encourage more bad behavior. Instead, when your kid starts shouting, be calm and attentive. Don't ignore it. This signals that you will not be rattled and the child won't win—ever. It may not work for the first tantrum, warns Runkel, but it's magic by the fifth.

The male, not the female, plays the primary role in carrying the developing babies and then later caring for the young. This male behavior is atypical when we as humans think about it, because we are mammals and automatically relate prenatal and postnatal care primarily with the female mother. Among fish, however, it is quite common for the male to be the primary caretaker of the eggs. The male guards the eggs and keeps them clean until they hatch . The Seahorse takes male parenting to an extreme. The male Seahorse not only guards the eggs but also carries them ÒinsideÓ himself. The male Seahorse has a brood pouch on his ventral side where, following courtship, the female deposits her eggs The male then fertilizes the eggs that he is now carrying and incubates them until it is time for them to hatch. A capillary network is set up between the male and the eggs to provide the eggs with oxygen and nutrients that are transferred from the male to the eggs. The male Seahorse also controls the environment of the pouch to make it increasingly more like that of the seawater, in order to prepare the eggs for their future environment . On average, pregnancy lasts two to three weeks dependent upon the species. After the determined pregnancy period, the male then gives birth to the hatched babies. He usually becomes pregnant again right away .

3. Competition Leads to Confidence

Children as young as 4 start to compete with their parents—sprinting to the car, wrestling on the sofa, stuff like that. Roll with it. Let them win a lot, and then slowly ramp it up so they have to work harder for their victories. "It's a way for kids to develop a sense of strength and to let them test their muscles," says Justin Richardson, M.D., who teaches psychiatry at Columbia University. They'll start to walk more confidently and be less of a mark for bullies.

4. Quitting is Hard

When his son wanted to quit baseball at age 8, Runkel said to him, "Sure, but you have to tell your teammates and coach." The boy couldn't do it. He's played for 7 years since. Show kids the pain of quitting, and they won't make those kind of decisions lightly, Runkel says. "If your kid says a school project is too hard and that he wants to give up, that's okay," says Runkel. "But say, 'Tell your teacher you're quitting and that you'll take whatever grade is appropriate.' Trust me, he'll stick it out."

5. Other People's Feelings Matter

It's easier to connect with others if you understand their perspective, so nurture that instinct in your child. Start with the child's own feelings. "Say, 'Man, it must be hard being 8 years old. What's the hardest part?' " suggests Runkel. Then mention people your kid knows who are having a hard time—say, a friend whose dad lost his job. Ask what he thinks it's like for that friend. "They won't always have an answer, but they're thinking about it," Runkel says.

6. Fights Can Be Resolved

Unless one kid is dangling the other out the window, don't say a word. "As soon as you become involved, they no longer care about a solution. They'll only try drafting you to their side," says child psychologist Anthony Wolf, Ph.D., the author of Mom, Jason's Breathing on Me! The Solution to Sibling Bickering. If they pester you, say your solution will be bad for both of them. They'll learn that pleading is fruitless. More important, they'll learn quickly to compromise.

7. Independence is Earned

When your kids ask to stay later at a friend's house, ask what time would work for them. Then ask why. If you don't hear a good answer, it's okay to say no. If you do, try it, says Pennsylvania-based psychologist Janet Edgette, Psy.D. When parents give children freedom and responsibility, studies show, the children develop stronger morals more quickly.

8. Success Requires Focus

Maybe you don't wish for a prodigy, but our competitive society suggests otherwise. That's why so many kids have trouble focusing, says C. Andrew Ramsey, M.D., a psychiatry professor at Columbia University. Make sure your kids know your expectations. Celebrate improvement first. And explain the value of slow mastery. "Whether your kids love Tom Brady or Beyoncé, let them know that these people succeeded because they mastered one skill," says Dr. Ramsey. "Learn to go through one door and many others will open for you; try to go through five doors at once and you'll go nowhere."

When it comes to Fathers, having One is the most important piece of any child's life!

Sep 1, 2012

DIY Doily Lamp

First we used a huge balloon that I bought at a party store.

Then you collect all the old Dollys (?) crochet or lace small tablecloths.
I found mine at a flea market.

Paint them with lots of wallpaper glue so they are soaked..

Hang the ballon on a string and put the soaked lace on the balloon. They have to overlap eachother so they will stick together and connect.
I always put on onother coat of extra glue when thay are all on the balloon.
Just to be sure.

Pop the baloon when the glue is dry. And attach a nice looking cord and lamp fitting.
Voila new lamp!

Aug 24, 2012

Who Have You Spent 25 yrs With?

My Husband and I are Hitting this one Next Year if he Remembers! Married for 25 years. It’s been fun for us so far and I look forward to the years to come. Here are some of the things I’ve learned over the years.

Marry the Person You Can’t Live Without (and Who Can’t Live Without You)
Don’t settle. Don’t marry the logical person. Marry the person who fills you with lust, laughter and longing.

Everyone Marries the Wrong Person
No matter how well you choose each other, there will be a time (or maybe even times) when you are convinced things are so bad they will never be better. Recognize that this feeling is normal and in almost every case things WILL be better. Don’t make a permanent choice (like having an affair or getting a divorce) because of a temporary problem.

Marriage Isn’t About Sex, It’s About Partnership
You get married because you want to be there for one another over the long haul. Marriage says “I’ll be there for you no matter what happens to you. When you are weak, I’ll be there. When you screw up, I’ll be there.”

But You Better Have Lots of Sex
While marriage isn’t about sex, if you want to have a successful marriage you better have a lot of sex. Spontaneous, movie sex happens, but not too often. You need to plan time and energy to maintain an active sex life. Not only will you both enjoy it, it will create a stronger bond between you.

Date Your Spouse
Once a week or more have a date night. If you don’t have the money to “go out,” stay in and rent a DVD. Send the kids somewhere else. A few times a year—as many times as possible—go away for a romantic weekend.

Maintain Your Appearance
We are all going to age and won’t look like we did at 21. Despite that fact we can maintain our appearance. Dress nicely even when you are home with your spouse. Watch your weight and exercise. If you are a woman learn to use make-up. Men, try shaving—even on weekends. Not only will you feel more sexy, you will be more sexy.

Be a Cheerleader for Your Spouse
No, I don’t mean buy an outfit and roll play. What I mean is that you need to be the person who always believes in your partner and cheers for their efforts and successes. Your success as a team is highly dependent on how much you believe in your spouse and your spouse believes in you
.
Let Someone Else Correct Your Spouse
When your spouse screws up—and (s)he will—chances are your spouse knows it already. Even if (s)he is not yet aware of their faux-pas, someone will be sure to point it out to them. Let it go. Let your need to be right go. They need to have you be a cheerleader, not a coach.

Make Time to Be Alone
Put the kids to bed. Every night. Get up early to have coffee together. Ride to the store together even when you don’t both have to go. The best indicator of marital happiness is how much time partners spend together.

Let Your Needs be Known
When you need something—whether it is a hug or a weekend with the boys fishing—tell your spouse. Don’t expect them to read your mind. Don’t think you are being selfish and “ shouldn't” ask. If you are going to succeed as a couple you need to be able to get your needs met in the relationship.

Supply What Your Spouse Needs
When your spouse tells you they need something from you, do all you can to provide it.

Trust Without Reservation
For your marriage to work you must allow your spouse into the deepest part of your life. Yes, they might hurt you. Yes, it can be scary. But that’s why you committed to them and they committed to you.

Have Kids Even Though You Can’t Possibly Afford Them
You can’t afford to have kids. Have them anyway.

Ask Your Spouse About Their Day and Really Listen

Ever day plan to take some time to let them talk about their day. Be their cheerleader and let them give you as many details as they choose

Aug 13, 2012

QUESTIONS TO ASK BEFORE YOU MARRY OR LIVE TOGETHER OR .............

276 QUESTIONS TO ASK BEFORE YOU MARRY

Yes Jaclyn this is in Honor of Your Upcoming Nuptials!

WORK

1. Are you working on your chosen field?

2. How many hours a week do you work?

3. What does your job entail? (For example, do you often travel for business, work at home, performs dangerous tasks?)

4. What is your dream job?

5. Have you ever been called a workaholic?

6. What is your retirement plan? What do you plan to do when you stop working?

7. Have you ever been fired?

8. Have you ever quit a job suddenly? Have you changed jobs a lot?

9. Do you consider your work a career or just a job?

10. Has your work ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

HOME

11. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

12. Do you prefer urban, suburban, or rural settings?

13. Is it important to have your own private home, or do you prefer apartment or condo living, with a management company responsible for the maintenance? Are you a do-it yourself-er, or would you rather hire professionals? Do you prefer to clean your own home or hire a housekeeper?

14. Do you think of your home as a cocoon, or is your door always open? What do you need to feel energized and inspired in your home?

15. Is quiet important in your home, or do you prefer having music or some background noise most of the time? Is it important to have a TV in the bedroom? Living room? Kitchen? Do you like to sleep with the TV or radio on?

16. How important is it for you to have a space in your home that is yours alone?

17. Have differences about home style ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

18. If you had unlimited resources, how would you live?

19. How important is it for you to make a lot of money?

20. What is your annual income?

21. Do you pay alimony or child support?

22 Do you believe in prenuptial agreements? Under what circumstances?

23. Do you believe in establishing a family budget?

24. Should individuals within a marriage have separate bank accounts in addition to joint accounts? Do you feel that bills should be divided based on a percentage of each person's salary?

25. Who should handle the finances in your family?

26. Do you have significant debts?

27. Do you gamble?

28. Did you have a paying job when you were in high school? Before high school?

29. Have you ever been called cheap or stingy?

30. Do you believe that a certain amount of money should be set aside for pleasure, even if you�re on a tight budget?

31. Have you ever used money as a way of controlling a relationship? Has anyone ever tried to control you with money?

32. Has money ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?

RELATIONSHIP HISTORY

33. Have you ever felt deeply insecure in a relationship? Were you able to name your fear?

34. When was the first time you felt that you were in love with another person? What happened in that relationship, and how have you come to terms with it?

35. What is the longest relationship you have ever had prior to this one? Why did it end, and what lesson did you learn?

36. Have you ever been married? If so, are you divorced or widowed? How do you think you handled the loss?

37. If you have a current partner, do they know of behaviors that you exhibited in your previous relationship that you�re not proud of?

36. Do you believe that past relationships should be left in the past and not talked about in your current relationship?

39. Do you tend to judge current partners on past relationships?

40. Have you ever sought marriage counseling? What did the experience teach you?

41. Do you have children from previous marriages or non-marital relationships? What is your relationship with them? How do you see your relationship with them in the future?

42. Have you ever been engaged to be married but didn�t go through with the wedding?

43. Have you ever had a live-in partner? Why did you choose to live together instead of marrying? What did your experience teach you about the importance of marriage and about commitment?

44. Do you harbor fears that the person you love might reject you or fail out of love with you?

SEX

45. What sexual activities do you enjoy the most? Are there specific sexual acts that make you uncomfortable? Be specific! This is no time to hedge.

46. Do you feel comfortable initiating sex? If yes, why? If no, why?

47. What do you need in order to be in the mood for sex?

48. Have you ever been sexually abused or assaulted?

48. What was the attitude toward sex in your family? Was it talked about? Who taught you about sex?

50. Do you use sex to self-medicate? If something upsets you, do you use sex to try and help you feel better?

51. Have you ever felt forced to have sex to �keep the peace�? Have you ever forced someone or been told that you forced someone to have sex with you to �keep the peace�?

52. Is sexual fidelity an absolute necessity in a good marriage?

53. Do you enjoy viewing pornography?

54. How often do you need or expect sex?

55. Have you ever a sexual relationship with a person of the same sex?

56. Has sexual dissatisfaction ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?

HEALTH

57. How would you describe the current state of your health?

58. Have you ever had a serious illness? Have you ever had surgery?

58. Do you believe it is a sacred responsibility to take care of yourself? Do you believe that taking care of your physical and mental health is a part of honoring your marriage vows?

60. Are there genetic diseases in your family or a history of cancer, heart disease, or chronic illness?

61. Do you have health insurance? Dental insurance?

62. Do you belong to a gym? If so, how much time do you spend at the gym every week?

63. Do you play sports or take exercise classes?

64. Have you ever been in a physically or emotionally abusive relationship?

65. Have you ever suffered from an eating disorder?

66. Have you ever been in a serious accident?

67. Do you take medication?

68. Have you ever had a sexually transmitted disease?

P.. Have you ever been treated for a mental disorder?

70. Do you see a therapist?

71. Do you smoke, or have you ever smoked?

72. Do you consider yourself an addictive personality, and have you ever suffered from an addiction? Have you ever been told you have an addiction problem, even though you might disagree?

73. How much alcohol do you drink every week?

74. Do you use recreational drugs?

75. Do you have a medical problem that impacts your ability to have a satisfying sex life (for example, erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, vaginal dryness, drug/alcohol addiction, etc)?

76. Have any of these health problems ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?

APPEARANCE

77. How important is it that you always look your best?

78. How important is your spouse�s appearance? Do you have strong preferences about being with a particular physical �type�?

70. Are there cosmetic procedures that you regularly undergo?

80. Is weight control important to you? Is your spouse�s weight important to you? What would your reaction be if your partner were to gain a significant amount of weight?

81. How much money do you spend on clothing every year?

82. Do you worry about getting old? Do you worry about losing your looks?

83. What do you like and dislike about your appearance? When you were a child, were you often complimented or shamed about your looks?

84. What would your reaction be if your spouse lost a limb? A breast? How would you handle this loss?

85. Do you feel that you can have good chemistry with someone who is moderately physically attractive to you, or is a strong physical attraction necessary? Has physical appearance or �chemistry� ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

PARENTHOOD

86. Do you want children? When? How many? Are you unable to have children?

87. Would you feel unfulfilled if you were unable to have children?

88. Who is responsible for birth control? What would you do if there were an accidental pregnancy before you planned to have children?

88. What is your view of fertility treatments? Adoption? Would you adopt if you were unable to have a child naturally?

90. What is your view of abortion? Should a husband have an equal say in whether his wife has an abortion? Have you ever had an abortion?

91. Have you ever given birth to a child or fathered a child who was put up for adoption?

92. How important is it to you that your children are raised near your extended family?

93. Do you believe that a good mother will want to breast-feed her baby? Do you believe a mother or father should stay at home with a child during the first six months of life? The first year? Longer?

94. Do you believe in spanking a child? What type of discipline do you believe in (time-out, standing in the corner, taking away privileges, etc.)?

95. Do you believe that children have rights? Do you feel that a child�s opinion should be considered when making family and life decisions, such as moving or changing schools?

96. Do you believe that children should be raised with some religious or spiritual foundation?

97. Should boys be treated the same as girls? Should they have the same rules for conduct? Should you have the same expectations for their sexual behavior?

96. Would you put your teenage daughter on birth control if you knew that she was sexually active?

97. How would you handle it if you didn�t like your child�s friends?

98. Would you put your teenage daughter on birth control if you knew that she was sexually active?

99. How would you handle it if you didn't like your child's friends?

100. In a blended family; should birth parents be in charge of making decisions for their own children?

101. Would you ever consider getting a vasectomy or having your tubes tied? Do you believe it�s your choice, or does your partner have a say?

102. Have differences concerning conception or child-raising ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?

EXTENDED FAMILIES

103. Are you close to your family?

104. Are you or have you ever been alienated from your family?

105. Do you have a difficult time setting limits with family?

106. Have you identified the childhood wound that may have sabotaged your relationships in the past�the deeply imprinted fear that made you want to escape? How were you most hurt in your family; and who hurt you?

107. How important is it that you and your partner be on good terms with each other�s families?

106. How did your parents settle conflicts when you were a child? Do people in your family carry long-term grudges?

109. How much influence do your parents still have over your decisions?

110. Have unresolved or ongoing family issues ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?

FRIENDS

111. Do you have a �best friend�?

112. Do you see a close friend or friends at least once a week? Do you speak to any of your friends on the phone every day?

113. Are your friendships as Important to you as your life partner is?

114. If your friends need you, are you there for them?

115. Is it important to you for your partner to accept and like your friends?

116. Is it important that you and your partner have friends in common?

117. Do you have a difficult time setting limits with friends?

118. Has a partner ever been responsible for breaking up a friendship? Have friends ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?

PETS

119. Are you an animal lover?

120. Do you have a dog, cat, or other beloved pet?

121. Is your attitude �Love me, love my dog [cat; potbellied pig]?�

122. Have you ever been physically aggressive with an animal? Have you deliberately hurt an animal?

123. Do you believe a person should give up his or her pet if it interferes with the relationship?

124. Do you consider pets members of your family?

125. Have you ever been jealous of a partner�s relationship with a pet?

126. Have disagreements about pets ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?

POLITICS

127. Do you consider yourself liberal, moderate, or conservatives, or do you reject political labels? What was the attitude in your family about political involvement and social action?

128. Do you belong to a political party? Are you actively involved?

128. Did you vote in the last presidential election? Congressional election? Local election?

130. Do you believe that two people of differing political ideologies can have a successful marriage?

131. Do you believe that the political system is skewed against people of color, poor people, and the disenfranchised?

132. Which political issues do you care about? (For example, equality national security, privacy, the environment, the budget; women�s rights, gay rights, human rights, etc.).

133. Has politics ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

COMMUNITY

134. Is it important for you to be involved in your local community?

135. Do you like having a close relationship with your neighbors? For example, would you give a neighbor a spare key to your home?

136. Do you regularly participate in community projects?

137. Do you believe that good fences make good neighbors?

138. Have you ever had a serious dispute with a neighbor?

139. Do you take pains to be considerate of your neighbors (for example, keeping a lid on loud music, barking dogs, etc.)?

CHARITY

140. How important is it to you to contribute time or money to charity?

141. Which kind of charities do you like to support? How much of your annual income do you donate to charity?

142. Do you feel that it is the responsibility of the �haves� of the world to help the �have-nots�?

143. Have attitudes about charitable contributions ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

MILITARY

144. Have you served in the military?

145. Have your parents or other relatives served in the military?

146. Would you want your children to serve in the military?

147. Do you personally identify more with a nonviolent approach, or with making change through military force and action?

148. Has military service or attitudes about military service ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?

THE LAW

149. Do you consider yourself a law-abiding person?

150. Have you ever committed a crime? If yes, what was it?

151. Have you ever been arrested? If yes, for what?

152. Have you ever been in jail? If yes, why?

153. Have you ever been involved in a legal action or lawsuit? If yes, what were the circumstances?

154. Have you ever been the victim of a violent crime? If yes, describe what happened.

156. Do you believe it�s important to be rigorously honest when you pay taxes?

156. Have you ever failed to pay child support? If so, why?

157. Have legal or criminal issues ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

MEDIA

158. Where do you get your news (for example, TV news programs, radio, newspapers, news magazines, the Internet, friends)?

159. Do you believe what you read and see in the news, or do you question where information is coming from and what the true agenda is?

100. Do you seek out media with diverse perspectives on the news?

161. Have media differences ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

RELIGION

162. Do you believe in God? What does that mean to you?

163. Do you have a current religious affiliation? Is it a big part of your life?

164. When you were growing up, did your family belong to a church, synagogue, temple, or mosque?

185. Do you currently practice a different religion from the one in which you were raised?

166. Do you believe in life after death?

167. Does your religion impose any behavioral restrictions (dietary, social, familial, sexual) that would affect your partner?

168. Do you consider yourself a religious person? A spiritual person?

169. Do you engage in spiritual practices outside of organized religion?

170. How important is it to you for your partner to share your religious beliefs?

171. How important is it to you for your children to be raised in your religion?

172. Is spirituality a part of your daily life and practice?

173. Has religion or spiritual practice ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

CULTURE

174. Does popular culture have an important impact on your life?

175. Do you spend time reading about, watching, or discussing actors, musicians, models, or other celebrities?

176. Do you think most celebrities have a better, more exciting life than you do? (By the way, if they do, maybe it's because they are living their lives, while you are watching them live their lives. Are you wasting the opportunity and gift to live your own life?)

177. Do you regularly go to the movies, or do you prefer to rent movies and watch them at home?

178. What is your favorite style of music?

179. Do you attend concerts featuring your favorite musicians?

180. Do you enjoy going to museums or art shows?

181. Do you like to dance?

182. Do you like to watch TV for entertainment?

183. Have attitudes or behaviors around popular culture ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

LEISURE

184. What is your idea of a fun day?

185. Do you have a hobby that�s important to you?

186. Do you enjoy spectator sports?

187. Are certain seasons off-limits for other activities because of football, baseball, basketball, or other sports?

168. What activities do you enjoy that don�t involve your partner? How important is it to you that you and your partner enjoy the same leisure activities?

189. How much money do you regularly spend on leisure activities?

190. Do you enjoy activities that might make your partner uncomfortable, such as hanging out in bars drinking, going to strip clubs, or gambling?

191. Have leisure time issues ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

192. Do you enjoy entertaining, or do you worry that you�ll do something wrong or people won�t have a good time?

193. Is it important for you to attend social events regularly, or does the prospect rarely appeal to you?

194. Do you look forward to at least one night out every week, or do you prefer to enjoy yourself at home?

195. Does your work involve attending social functions? If so, are these occasions a burden or a pleasure? Do you expect your spouse to be present, or do you prefer that your spouse not be present?

196. Do you socialize primarily with people from work, or with people from the same ethnic/racial/religious/ socioeconomic background? Or do you socialize with a diverse mix of people?

197. Are you usually the �life of the party," or do you dislike being singled out for attention?

198. Have you or a partner ever had an argument caused by one or the other�s behavior at a social function?

199. Have differences about socializing ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?

HOLIDAY AND BIRTHDAYS

286. Which (if any holidays do you believe are the most important to celebrate?

201. Do you maintain a family tradition around certain holidays?

202. How important are birthday celebrations to you? Anniversaries?

203. Have differences about holidays/birthdays ever been a factor for you in the breakup of a relationship?

TRAVEL / VACATIONS

204. Do you enjoy traveling, or are you a homebody?

205. Are vacation getaways an important part of your yearly planning?

206. How much of your annual income do you designate for vacation and travel expenses?

207. Do you have favorite vacation destinations? Do you believe it's wasteful to spend money on vacations to distant places?

206. Do you think it's important to have a passport? To speak a foreign language?

209. Have disputes about travel and vacation ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

EDUCATION

210. What is your level of formal education? Is your education a source of pride or shame?

211. Do you regularly sign up for courses that interest you, or enroll in advanced-learning programs that will help you in your career or profession?

212. Do you think that college graduates are smarter than people who didn�t attend college? Have disparities in education ever been a source of tension for you in a relationship, or ended a relationship?

213. How do you feel about private school education for children? Do you have a limit on how much you would be willing to invest in private school education?

214. Have education levels or priorities ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

TRANSPORTATION

215. Do you own or lease a car? Would you ever consider not having a car?

216. Is the year, make, and model of the car you drive important to you? Is your car your �castle�?

217. Are fuel efficiency and environmental protection factors when you choose a car?

218. Given the availability of reliable public transportation, would you prefer not to drive a car at all?

219. How much time do you spend maintaining and caring for your vehicle? Are you reluctant to let others drive your car?

220. How long is your daily commute? Is it by bus, train, car, or carpool?

221. Do you consider yourself a good driver? Have you ever received a speeding ticket?

222. Have cars or driving ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

COMMUNICATION

223. How much time do you spend on the phone every day?

224. Do you have a cell phone? A BlackBerry?

225. Do you belong to any Internet chat groups? Do you spend significant time each day writing c-mails?

226. Do you have an unlisted telephone number? If yes, why?

227. Do you consider yourself a communicator or a private person?

228. What are the circumstances under which you would not answer the telephone, cell phone, or BlackBerry?

229. Has modem communication ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

MEALTIME

230. Do you like to eat most of your meals sitting at the table, or do you tend to eat on the run?

231. Do you love to cook? Do you love to eat? 232. When you were growing up, was it important that everybody be present for dinner?

233. Do you follow a specific diet regimen that limits your food choices? Do you expect others in your household to adhere to certain dietary restrictions?

234. In your family is food ever used as a bribe or a proof of love?

235. Has eating ever been a source of shame for you?

236. Have eating and food ever been a source of tension and stress in a relationship? Have they ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

GENDER ROLE

237. Are there household responsibilities you believe to be the sole domain of a man or a woman? Why do you believe this?

238. Do you believe that marriages are stronger if a woman defers to her husband in most areas? Do you need to feel either in control or taken care of?

239. How important is equality in a marriage? Define what you mean by �equality.�

340. Do you believe that roles in your family should be filled by the person best equipped for the job, even if it is an unconventional arrangement?

341. How did your family view the roles of girls and boys, men and women? In your family; could anyone do any job as long as it got done well?

242. Have different ideas about gender roles ever been a source of tension for you in a relationship, or the cause of a breakup?

RACE, ETHNICITY, AND DIFFERENCES

243. What did you learn about race and ethnic differences as a child?

244. Which of those beliefs from childhood do you still carry; and which have you shed?

245. Does your work environment look more like the United Nations, or like a mirror of yourself? How about your personal life?

246. How would you feel if your child dated someone of a different race or ethnicity? The same gender? How would you feel if he or she married this person?

247. Are you aware of your own biases regarding race and ethnicity? What are they? Where did they come from? (We aren�t born biased, we learn it, and it�s important to trace where it was learned.)

248. Have race, ethnicity, and differences ever been a source of tension and stress for you in a relationship?

249. What were your family�s views of race, ethnicity, and difference?

250. Is it important to you that your partner shares your vision of race, ethnicity, and difference?

251. Have different ideas about race, ethnicity~ and difference ever been a factor in the breakup of a relationship?

LIVING EVERY DAY

252. Would you consider yourself a morning person or a night person?

213. Do you judge people who have a different waking and sleeping clock than you?

254 Are you a physically affectionate person?

255. What is your favorite season of the year?

256. When you disagree with your partner, do you tend to fight or withdraw?

257. What is your idea of a fair division of labor in your household?

258. Do you consider yourself an easygoing person, or are you most comfortable with a firm plan of action?

256. How much sleep do you need every night?

260. Do you like to be freshly showered and wearing clean clothes every day, even on weekends or vacations?

261. What is your idea of perfect relaxation?

262. What makes you really angry? What do you do when you�re really angry?

263. What makes you most joyful? What do you do when you are joyful?

264. What makes you most insecure? How do you handle your insecurities?

265. What makes you most secure?

266. Do you fight fair? How do you know?

267. How do you celebrate when something great happens? How do you mourn when something tragic happens?

268. What is your greatest limitation?

269. What is your greatest strength?

270. What most stands in the way of your creating a passionate and caring marriage?

271. What do you need to do today to move toward making your dream marriage a reality?

272. What makes you most afraid?

273. What drains you of your joy and passion?

274. What replenishes your mind, body, and spirit?

275. What makes your heart smile in tough times?

276. What makes you feel the most alive?

We all the Aunties would like a signed copy of the answers for Future Time Capsules!

What tree did you fall from?

What tree did you fall from?
Check your birthday to go to your tree and then see what it means.

Jan 01 to Jan 11.......Fir Tree
Jan 12 to Jan 24.......Elm Tree
Jan 25 to Feb 03......Cypress
Feb 04 to Feb 08......Poplar Tree
Feb 09 to Feb 18......Cedar Tree
Feb 19 to Feb 28......Pine Tree
Mar 01 to Mar 10......Weeping Willow
Mar 11 to Mar 20......Lime Tree
Mar 21.....................Oak Tree
Mar 22 to Mar 31......Hazelnut
Apr 01 to Apr 10.......Rowan Tree
Apr 11 to Apr 20.......Maple Tree
Apr 21 to Apr 30.......Walnut Tree
May 01 to May 14.....Poplar Tree
May 15 to May 24.....Chestnut
May 25 to Jun 03......Ash Tree
Jun 04 to Jun 13......Hornbeam
Jun 14 to Jun 23.......Fig Tree
Jun 24......................Birch Tree
Jun 25 to Jul 04........Apple Tree


Jul 05 to Jul 14........Fir Tree
Jul 15 to Jul 25........Elm Tree
Jul 26 to Aug 04......Cypress
Aug 05 to Aug 13.....Poplar Tree
Aug 14 to Aug 23.....Cedar Tree
Aug 24 to Sept 02.....Pine Tree
Sept 03 to Sept 12.....Weeping Willow
Sept 13 to Sept 22......Lime Tree
Sept 23.....................Olive Tree
Sept 24 to Oct 03......Hazelnut
Oct 04 to Oct 13.......Rowan Tree
Oct 14 to Oct 23.......Maple Tree
Oct 24 to Nov 11.......Walnut Tree
Nov 12 to Nov 21.......Chestnut
Nov 22 to DEC 01......Ash Tree
DEC 02 to DEC 11.....Hornbeam
Dec 12 to Dec 21.......Fig Tree
Dec 22.......................Beech Tree
Dec 23 to Dec 31......Apple Tree

APPLE TREE (the Love) -- of slight build, lots of charm, appeal, and attraction, pleasant aura, flirtatious, adventurous, sensitive, always in love, wants to love and be loved, faithful and tender partner, very generous, scientific talents, lives for today, a carefree philosopher with imagination.


HORNBEAM TREE (the Good Taste)
-- of cool beauty, cares for its looks and condition, good taste, is not egotistic, makes life as comfortable as possible, leads a reasonable and disciplined life, looks for kindness and acknowledgment in an emotional partner, dreams of unusual lovers, is seldom happy with its feelings, mistrusts most people, is never sure of its decisions, very conscientious.

ASH TREE (the Ambition) -- uncommonly attractive, vivacious, impulsive, demanding, oes not care for criticism, ambitious, intelligent, talented, likes to play with fate, can be egotistic,
very reliable and trustworthy, faithful and prudent lover, sometimes brains rule over the heart, but takes partnership very seriously.


LIME TREE (the Doubt) -- accepts what life dishes outin a composed way, hates fighting, stress, and labor, dislikes laziness and idleness, soft and relenting, makes sacrifices for friends, many talents but not tenacious enough to make them blossom, often wailing and complaining, very jealous but loyal.

BEECH TREE (the Creative) -- has good taste, concerned about its looks, materialistic, good organization of life and career, economical, good leader, takes no unnecessary risks, reasonable, splendid lifetime companion, keen on keeping fit (diets, sports, etc.)


MAPLE TREE (Independence of Mind) -- no ordinary person, full of imagination and originality, shy and reserved, ambitious, proud, self-confident, hungers for new experiences, sometimes nervous, has many complexities, good memory, learns easily, complicated love life, wants to impress.

BIRCH TREE (the inspiration) -- vivacious, attractive, elegant, friendly, unpretentious, modest, does not like anything in excess, abhors the vulgar,
loves life in nature and in calm, not very passionate, full of imagination, little ambition, creates a calm and content atmosphere.


OAK TREE (the Brave) -- robust nature,courageous, strong, unrelenting, independent, sensible, does not like change, keeps its feet on the ground, person of action.

CEDAR TREE (the Confidence) -- of rare beauty, knows how to adapt, likes luxury, of good health, not in the least shy, tends to look down on others, self-confident, determined, impatient, likes to impress others, many talents, industrious, healthy optimism, waiting for the one true love,
able to make quick decisions.


OLIVE TREE (the Wisdom) -- loves sun,
warmth and kind feelings, reasonable, balanced, avoids aggression and violence, tolerant, cheerful, calm, well-developed sense of justice, sensitive, empathetic, free of jealousy, loves to read and the company of sophisticated people.

CYPRESS TREE (the Faithfulness) -- strong, muscular, adaptable, takes what life has to give, content, optimistic, craves money and acknowledgment, hates loneliness, passionate lover which cannot
be satisfied, faithful, quick-tempered, unruly, pedantic, and careless.


PINE TREE (the Particular) -- loves agreeable company, very robust, knows how to make life comfortable, very active, natural, good companion, but seldom friendly, falls easily in love but its passion burns out quickly, gives up easily, everything disappoints until it finds its ideal, trustworthy, practical.

CHESTNUT TREE (the Honesty) -- of unusual beauty, does not want to impress, well-developed sense of justice,
vivacious, interested, a born diplomat,
but irritates easily and sensitive in company, often due to a lack of self confidence, acts sometimes superior, feels not understood, loves only once,
has difficulties in finding a partner.


POPLAR TREE (the Uncertainty) -- looks very decorative, not very self-confident, only courageous if necessary, needs goodwill and pleasant surroundings, very choosy, often lonely, great animosity, artistic nature, good organizer, tends to lean toward philosophy, reliable in any situation, takes partnership serious.

ELM TREE (the Noble-mindedness) --
pleasant shape, tasteful clothes, oddest demands, tends not to forgive mistakes, cheerful, likes to lead but not to obey, honest and faithful partner, likes making decisions for others, noble-minded, generous, good sense of humor, practical.


ROWAN TREE (the Sensitivity) -- full of charm, cheerful, gifted without egotism, likes to draw attention, loves life, motion, unrest, and even complications, is both
dependent and independent, good taste, artistic, passionate, emotional, good company, does not forgive.

FIG TREE (the Sensibility) -- very strong, a bit self-willed, independent, does not allow contradiction or arguments, loves life, its family, children and animals, a bit of a social butterfly, good sense of humor, likes idleness and laziness, of practical talent and intelligence.


WALNUT TREE (the Passion) -- unrelenting, strange and full of contrasts, often egotistic, aggressive, noble, broad horizon, unexpected reactions, spontaneous, unlimited ambition, no flexibility, difficult and uncommon partner, not always liked but often admired,
ingenious strategist, very jealous and passionate, no compromise.

FIR TREE (the Mysterious) -- extraordinary taste, dignity, sophisticated, loves anything beautiful, moody, stubborn, tends to egoism but cares for those close to them, rather modest, very ambitious, talented, industrious,
discontented lover, many friends, many foes, very reliable.


WEEPING WILLOW (the Melancholy) -- beautiful but full of melancholy, attractive, very empathetic, loves anything beautiful and tasteful, loves to travel, dreamer, restless, capricious, honest, can be influenced but isn’t easy to live with, demanding, good intuition, suffers in love but finds sometimes an anchoring partner.

HAZELNUT TREE (the Extraordinary) -- charming, undemanding, very understanding, knows how to make an impression, active fighter for social cause, popular, moody, and capricious lover, honest, and tolerant partner, precise sense of judgment.