If Men Really Ran The World

If Men Really Ran The World

1. Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack on the butt and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time" would pretty much do it.
2. Birth control would come in ale or lager.
3. Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.
4. On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day too.
5. St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month.
6. Garbage would take itself out.
7. Regis and Kathie Lee would be chained to a cement mixer and pushed off the Golden Gate Bridge for the most lucrative pay-per-view event in world history.
8. The only show opposite Monday Night Football would be Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.
9. Instead of "beer belly", you'd get "beer biceps".
10. Tanks would be far easier to rent.
11. Two words "Ally McNaked".
12. When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart aleck answer you respond with would actually reduce your fine.
As in: Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"
You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place."
Cop: "Nice one, That's $10.00 off".
13. People would never talk about how fresh they felt.
14. Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.
15. Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
16. The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers.
17. It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.
18. Instead of a fancy, expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said "You're #1!".
19. When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time out.
20. Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable response to "I love you".
21. The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
22. "Sorry I'm late, but I got wasted last night", would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.
23. At the end of the workday a whistle would blow and you would jump out of your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.
24. Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.
25. Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.    







 
 

How to Make a Sisal Rope Bowl:

                                                How to Make a Sisal Rope Bowl*

         

Grab yourself a vessel, whatever you like.  Aluminum handled bowls like this speckled one  work great.  Also grab a dozen glue sticks, your trusty hot glue gun, and 50 to 75 feet of sisal rope (mine was ¼ inch thick).

Then follow these simple steps:

1) Start with the handles, gluing the first part of rope in place.  2)  Finish each handle wrapping the rope as shown, hot gluing every second wrap around.  3) Begin the outside of your bowl by securing an end of rope under the handle, then keep gluing the rope all the way around.  4) Finish your bowl off by wrapping the rope around the inside.  You determine how far you want to go, all the way around the inside or half way, it’s up to you.  Or whenever you run out of rope . . .

And there you have it, in less than an hour, a sisal rope bowl to call your own.

*Another Great Gift Idea!

YOUR RIGHT TO VOTE UNTIL NOV 6 2012

YOUR RIGHT TO VOTE

JUST VOTE!

Liqueur for Holiday Gift Giving........... start now

Holiday Gift Giving*

 

 

This year homemade elegant is in!   Coffee Liqueur is Absolutely in!

Irish Creme*

 

2 egg yolks
2 cups sweetened, condensed milk
1 1/2 cups heavy cream

 2 tablespoons chocolate syrup
2 tablespoons strong, brewed coffee
1 tablespoon good vanilla
1 teaspoon almond extract OR almond liqueur (like DiSaronno),
2 cups good Irish whiskey (I used Finnegan Irish Whiskey)

1. In a large glass mixing bowl, whisk the egg yolks for a minute until pale colored.  Add the sweetened, condensed milk, cream, chocolate syrup, coffee, vanilla, and almond extract, whisking until completely combined.
2. Add the whiskey, whisking to combine.
3. Pour into glass jars, using a funnel if needed.  Cap tightly and store in the refrigerator for several weeks.

Serve over ice, use as a coffee creamer, or get creative and use it in a cocktail!

                                                                  Kahlua*

 Ingredient List to Make Homemade Kahlua:

1 1/2 cups of firmly packed brown sugar

1 cup of granulated white sugar

2 cups of water

1/2 cup of instant coffee granules

2 tablespoons of pure vanilla extract

3 cups of your favorite vodka

Step 1: Combine the brown sugar and the granulated white sugar in a pot.

Step 2: Add the water and stir.

Step 3: Bring the mixture to a boil and boil 5 minutes while stirring constantly.

Step 4: Remove from heat and gradually add the coffee granules.

Step 5: Cool the mixture for ten minutes.

Step 6: Add vanilla and vodka and mix thoroughly.

Step 7: Pour into jars or bottles with lids.

Step 8: Let the Kahlua stand for three weeks

*i like to do mine for 4 -6 weeks in a cool dark place

*you can add 2 cups strong black coffee,

play with the measurements homemade means the way you like it!

                                                                    Amaretto*

 Ingredient List to Make Homemade Amaretto:

1 cup water

1 cup white sugar

1/2 cup brown sugar

2 cups vodka

2 tablespoons almond extract

2 teaspoons vanilla extract

Step 1: Put the water, the white sugar and the brown sugar in a saucepan.

Step 2: Heat the mixture over medium heat until the mixture is boiling and the sugar is dissolved.

Step 3: Remove the pan from the heat and let the mixture cool to room temperature.

Step 4: Stir in the vodka, the almond extract and the vanilla.

Step 5: Store the homemade Amaretto in a bottle or jar and refrigerate to keep it fresh.

*Great Gift Ideas

ABSOLUT,CORONA,BUD LIGHT Homemade Gifts

You can cut glass bottles at home using materials you probably already have on hand.



Materials:
glass bottles
yarn
nail polish remover
lighter
sink full of ice water
sandpaper
Directions:

 1. Wrap the cotton yarn around your bottle 5-6 times, tie and cut ends. You can also braid three pieces together and tie that around the bottle. I actually had better results using the braided yarn.

2. Slide yarn off of the bottle.

3. Dip yarn in nail polish remover. I filled a bowl with nail polish remover and let the yarn sit in it for a few seconds to make sure it was fully saturated.

4. Slide the wet yarn back onto the bottle. NOTE: The bottle will be cut wherever you place the yarn, so make sure it is as straight as possible.

5. Holding the bottle sideways from the mouth, light the yarn on fire.  ****Please please be careful!**** Only the wet yarn will be lit on fire and the flame is very well controlled.

6. Rotate the bottle in circles as the yarn is on fire for 20-30 seconds so that all parts of the bottle warm evenly.

7. Holding each end of the bottle, submerge in cold water and watch the bottle parts separate.

8. Use sand paper to smooth rough edges.

The hardest part about this project is getting the cut in the right spot. Because the Corona logo goes up so high, you don’t have much room to work with. The glass on the neck of the bottle is thicker and harder to cut using this method, so it took a few tries for me to get the desired results. It was worth it though!
You can make more than just drinking glasses. Think vases and candle holders too! This method is supposed to work on wine bottles too, though I haven’t tried those yet.

PAY ATTENTION.......................

Have you ever wondered why traffic always slows when people are driving by an accident? Do you moan about the fact that people are attracted by the gruesome, and yet find that you glance over too as you drive by? Well, it’s not really your fault, you (and everybody else) can’t resist looking at scenes of danger. It’s your “old brain” telling you to PAY ATTENTION.



You have 3 brains — In my book, Neuro Web Design: What makes them click? I talk about the idea that you really don’t have one brain, you have three. The “new brain” is the conscious, reasoning, logical brain that you think you know best; the mid brain” is the part of the brain that processes emotions, and the “old brain” is the part of the brain that is most interested in your survival.


From reptiles to people — If you look at brains from an evolutionary perspective, the “old brain” developed first (hence the name “old brain”!). In fact, that part of our brain is very similar to the brain of a reptile, which is why some people call it the “reptilian” brain.


“Can I eat it? Can I have sex with it? Will it kill me?” – The job of your old brain is to constantly scan the environment and answer the questions: “Can I eat it? Can I have sex with it? Will it kill me?” That’s really all the old brain cares about, is food sex and danger. When you think about it, this is important. Without food you’ll die, without sex the species won’t continue, and if you are killed the other two questions don’t matter. So animal brains developed early on to care intensely about these three topics. As animals evolved they developed other capacities (emotions, logical thought), but they retained a part of their brain to always be scanning what is going on for these three critical questions.


You Can’t Resist — What this means is that you just can’t resist noticing food, sex, or danger. It doesn’t matter how hard you try to not notice these 3 things in your surroundings, you will always notice them. It’s the old brain working. You don’t necessarily have to do anything once you notice, for example, you don’t have to eat the chocolate cake when you see it, you don’t have to flirt with the attractive person who walked into the room, and you don’t have to run away from the large scary guy that walked in the room with the good looking woman. But you WILL notice all of those things whether you want to or not.


Cake, Pretty Woman, and a Crash on the home page — I get emails from people who have read about the old brain in my book. They will write to me wanting advice about how they should fit a picture of cake, a woman in a bikini, and an industrial accident all at the home page of their corporate website. (I do get some interesting emails!). I’m not advocating that you do that! I am pointing out that if you want to get someone’s attention at a website, then any images or headlines that include or imply food, sex, or danger will definitely get attention. But you will have to decide what is appropriate!
Have you seen any good examples of websites that use these ideas effectively (besides just sex sites — don’t send me URLs for those)?

Originally published on WhatMakesThemClick.net.

Tags: Features, Presentations, Marketing, People, Psychology | 

45 Life Lessons

45 Life Lessons, written by a 90 year old

1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short not to enjoy it.

4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will.

5. Don’t buy stuff you don’t need.

6. You don’t have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself.

7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.

8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for things that matter.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.

12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye… But don’t worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful.  Clutter weighs you down in many ways.

18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It’s never too late to be happy.  But it’s all up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words, ‘In five years, will this matter?’

27. Always choose Life.

28. Forgive but don’t forget.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give Time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.

35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else s, we’d
grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have, not what you think you need.

42. The best is yet to come…

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

thank you to :  Men Who Dress Like Men